A very special event for 2 very special people

*ahem* we are gathered here today in holy matrimony for 2 very special brilliant people. Oh, bravo everyone. So miss Bitch do you take mr Bastard as your lawful wedded husband? (and yes I pronounced ur names with a capital B for a BOMBASTIC effect to emphasis your importance and the damage you have done to a certain individual's life called the FatCat)

okay now you two bitches of the century may kiss the bride. Don't forget to lick her boots everyday and shove it up where it hurts. AMEN!

out of lala land and into the dirt

Just woke up. Feel SUPER EXTREMELY BLANK.. almost as if someone had just whacked me hard with a sledge hammer ^^;;

Yesterday night I did something really spastic. I tried to (fill in the blank). (only sam would know)

So yea, really spastic really. It obviously didn't work. DUH. If not I won't be here typing this, right? right, right, right?

My accomplice was a stuff toy. His job was to block out air. Hmm and it obviously was not planned very well for OBVIOUS REASONS and I either blacked out or actually FELL ASLEEP!

Why do I think the latter? Hm. Guess its cause I had a dream. I can only remember snippets of my dreams so I'll just post them here:

I remember I was a school girl and I was with a friend I totally cannot recognise in real life but I managed to in the dream anyway. We were in a haunted school site and the ghosts were talking to us( though not in a friendly way. It was really freaky)

Then the scene changed and I'm a guy this time. I'm with a fatty and a very pretty girl and we're trekking through the forest. After a while, we reached a very high cliff and we had to climb up using vines only. I let fatty and the girl go up first. However when it came to me, the vines were already weakening so some snapped when I was trying to climb. Then finally I reached the top and was just about to get onto the ledge when I slipped and was surviving only on one sole vine which was shredding by the second (so action-movie huh?). Luckily for me, the girl managed to grab my hand and pull me up. It was only after that in my dream did I realise she was my girlfriend. ( remember I was a guy in my dream? Yes. I am not lesbian people.)

WOOSH! Scene changed again. Now I'm like some security guard or something. I remember I was at some sale where they were selling handcuffs for $55. Apparently I had to stand guard over this ANNOOOYYYINNNG kid who was handcuffed by the legs (don't make sense right?). So my job was to hold her legs while she tried to crawl away and scramble like some really strong monitor lizard. Anyway this scene passed really fast cause I can't really remember the rest of it.

I think thats all I remember. Dreams disappear really really fast. Sometimes I wonder if all my dreams tell me of my past life ^^ because they all seem to be so cool and set in different eras.... most of the time I'm a girl but I've had numerous dreams where I'm a guy so I guess that makes sense. Haha! Okay I'm being stupid and spastic again. I think I better go eat breakfast and go play the sims 2 <3

<3s to theBOY. I'm missing you =)

To Sam and those who know: There will not be a second attempt. This attempt was already so spastic and embarrassing =D

crosswords and crossroads

didn't go school the past 2 days. I wonder if its because I really got asthma out of that nasty flu or it was something mentally-induced. I think its the latter cause I really really really hate school... hate.hate.hate.

Dear came over to see me today which I think is very sweet of him... but aiyah, shit cropped up. Zzz. Bad things always happen to me. I seem to be pissing everyone off. Argh, bloody jinx.

Ehhhh feeling kinda depressed now. Don't know why, really. Just feeling depressed. Wah sia la I think I'm really a nutcase.
haiz....

Went to the cranky doctor today too! He told me to stick to the norm, bla bla bla. Celina accompanied me there though, which i thought was very nice of her cause erm, stuff like that happens once in a blue moon.

hai.

Hai, hai, hai.

I feel like killing myself.

love with a pinch of salt.

hehh I ponned chinese class today... bo liao......

Went to popular to get some stuff. I need a new file. But was too broke.

Anyway when I was in popular I heard a song playing.. it went something like this:

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura not to cry

Because I'll love her even after I die

it was an old song sung by some old guy. He said those words while he was supposedly dying in the song in a car accident.

And well, I felt weird. As if the song had done me insult, I scoffed at it. I thought, "Love songs are all full of lies and for any guy to do that on earth would be impossible."

Because no guy would ever love a girl as much as she would love him....and even if there were, I think I can count them with one hand.

There's a very thin line between love and hate... when all's well, you would think love is a beautiful thing. You would sing praises of it and appreciate love songs so much more. You would see flowers everywhere with the sunshine pouring down warmly on your face. You would even think the rain was something so serene, so beautiful that would be nice to watch from under a shelter with your loved one.

When you're knocked out of that stupidity, you see the truth for what it really is. White becomes black. You see all the false lies, the false promises in the past and in love songs. You see the bright morning and the flowers being so mocking, as if they were joyful and laughing at your demise. You see the rain, cruel and lashing, as if it too, was against you.

Then you turn around, examine your whole life and you see the evidence of falsehood all around. All the letters, all the efforts, all the messages. And suddenly you wonder, where did the guy that I love go? Then as you look around further, you envy the girl that you were 2 years ago. So happy but yet so oblivious to her happiness....and you'd give anything to get back to that stage.. when love was still gay and wonderful.

Why you may ask that these thoughts suddenly came up?

Actually they were there all the while.. just that it re-surfaced today when I met pid... seems like we're both being fools, eh? =) And yeah we're going to have to curb our paranoia babe..

Thinking back, I told her she's stupid to want to kill herself over someone... and I thought, if it were me, I won't do such a stupid thing. But I did harbour thoughts of it during that period. Not really over the loss... but rather, I just felt so empty the feeling was killing me. I just wanted it to stop.

I think, somehow I've changed a lot. I look at couples now and I feel bitter and sad. I feel bitter because I'm reminded of everything of all the past lost happiness. And I feel sad, because I'm wondering how long more before she gets dumped and that sad little fairytale of hers would come crumbling down. And then, what would she do? And I think, she doesn't deserve it....

she wants to seek happiness with you and all you do is to take her for a joy ride. Let me tell you, she's happy cause you're there and if you take that away, you're killing her.

Pid and I both agree that when people say 'I understand how you feel', its pure bull. Only if they have been through the same thing they will they TRULY understand... we also agree that no pure love exists.

I think twice when someone says "I love you" to me now.... because its not true.... it's just another false promise. A false promise I will always fall for and end up splattered on the ground no matter how much I try to resist it....

Love is when you see that person and only that person. Leaving the one who loves you for the one you like will only end up in misery because the one you like will leave you for the one THEY love.

And at that time I can bitterly smile while crying and saying "Haha... sucker..." before stabbing myself.

I hate myself. Maybe one day I'll be able to gorge out my heart, shred it to peices and lock it up somewhere safe...

I think I'm demented and I really need time to trust everything again.. if its possible...

I really want it to work this time..because I really love you more than you can even imagine... even to the extent that I want to be with you forever... but I'm just so tired and afraid I'm going to end up in this whole shit again.....because this time I really won't be able to take it...

Oogie.

Hmmm was a quite uneventful day.

In the morning till afternoon I played starcraft with Celina. Lost one time won 3 times. HIPPIEE!

Anyway, after that went with her to the hub to show her around since its changed so much... erm then bought potatoes and cream to make mash potatoes ^^but erm.. it didnt turn out so well... not the same taste as the one celina had... haiz...

I'm being a stress ball again. First thing the Dragon comes back, she scolds me about something being uncapped on my desk without a single hello, only to realise that the thing WAS capped and she just malu-ed herself. Then, as if she's trying to redeem her face and dignity, she scolds me for the bowl that used to contain mash potatoes thats on my computer table bla bla bla... siaaanss... I'm just trying to have a nice evening... leave meh alone.... at least a hi would be nice....sheesh.

Then she goes on to say about how I cannot eat without playing my games bla bla bla and how I cant even spare the time to eat without playing... well you know what? I don't spare the time to eat because even if I eat, I'd be eating at an empty table facing ghosts at each seat. Wouldn't any sane person agree that eating at the computer and chatting with a friend in Audition is a much better alternative? heck, it may not be real physical company but its so much better than having nobody there to strike conversation.....

I'm seriously so sick of having nobody to talk to everyday..... and you know, SHE COMPLAINS that I'M anti-social and unfriendly. HELLO!?!? How can I can friendly and hippy-yappy miss hyper-social-butterfly when I can only talk to FURNITURE all day?!? THANKS a lot la.

Sometimes before you start complaining about my online games, can you first consider WHY I even started playing it in the first place? And also, consider why I started at an age as young as primary5.

You know, parents don't EVER realise why their kid plays online games from young.... they just dismiss it as 'oh, she's addicted because online games are BAD, full of vulgarities, sexual perverts and rampant violence'...

well listen up now.

The reason why more and more children are playing online games at a young age is BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU. Before you turn around and accuse us, please reflect on the lives your children go through.

If you can tell me furniture is a better companion, you can eat my shoe and choke on it. bastards.

p.s: I'm down with a flu I caught from TheBOY. T.T major cranky-ness.