Heart, desire, mind: Break free

Well we met TallDarkAnnoying today (yes the guy who I had a crush on since p5 wjhen he first liked me and when I first met him and when he was still leeching on to TheLion). And boy does he LOOK different!! He looks kinda like a little wet mop ya know.. he grew long hair... I don't know why he likes it but he looks not bad... Actually he looks GREAT or what my older sister would say when she drools over guys that they're "hot-a-licious" but yeahs... you get the point. I

It probably was very weird when I finally saw him after like 2 years and also very embarrassing. The worst thing was that I have never hugged him before (I was very conscious and very introvert when I was younger) and when he hugged me at the airport (as he did to TheLion and TheSumo) I just felt weird. It is like being thrown into a big rollercoaster ride back into the past. It was very troubling. I could not concentrate on anything - even through my tantalising and delicious popeye's brunch meal. He's a lot taller now too (he used to be shorter than me).

I was immediately snapped back to reality when he had to go to Lavender to create his IC and I kinda felt sad there wasnt time for the two of us to catch up. It is sad really. Maybe I have just missed him as a friend or maybe more but it really doesnt matter cause I don't know who I am nowadays. Plus, he's attached and I already love someone else already.

So anyways, enough of that. So TheSumo, TheLion and TheSumo's fatass friend went to play arcade and after that we had an expensive round of CS (4 bucks for an hour! Can you believe that?!?) and then well.... we went to have dinner (which was bloody good) and that was about it.... I'm blogging here now and its just after dinner... still at TheSumo's house...

It is very weird of how you think you could have forgotten a person and be all happy when you do but the moment they appear again, you suddenly feel confused with that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling...It is then that you're torn into two and from that two, there are 3 things ruling your judgement : Your heart, your desires and your mind.

For the mind it thought it had stopped liking someone because it has been replaced by another but the heart knows that it hasn't - it's just buried deep so that nobody can see it; however it will come out when that person comes back unexpectedly.

For the selfish desires of a person, it is obviously human nature to cling on in the hope of getting a chance no matter what and after failing over and over and disappointed by the lack of guts the person it belongs to has, it gives up but it finds another that fulfils the simple but complicated desires in life: Security, Love and Mutual Respect.

But basically for my case....

The desire insists to cling on to something that wasn't there or had been there once upon a fairy tale;
The mind tells you to let go because he's not suitable and there's already another who loves you so much;
The heart is just tired of the haunting pasts and is just painfully confused.

It's tiring to love but its tiring not to.

I'm not okay (I promise)

Man this sucks. I got banned from using the computer at home. I'm currently at the Lion's den using the computer now so thats the only reason why i can actually blog at this right now. Lots of very stressful things happening. I still cannot confirm its dengue but there's a lingering fever and its somehow affecting me to be extremely cranky. I feel like an old lady. No wonder they get grumpy and saggy.

Another thing is that I missed my church camp and I can very extremely sore about this because I love church camps and I have no idea how my parents could have actually forced me not to go for this one because I really really miss and feel as if I'm missing something extremely big. I hate this feeling. I hate my life now. The worst thing is that people come back and tell me it was oh-so-fun and that I missed so much. makes me wanna dice them up and shove them into a petticoat for public humiliation.

Yes, the FatCat is very spiteful.

The most annoying things was yesterday night. It so happened that the Lion had come over and played Starcraft with the FatCat on the computer and we played from 2pm all the way up to 7pm before retiring for dinner. We even took a break from 4-5 because we were eating the quiche that the EvilEmpressDowager and MissArmyWarden baked while the Lion and I were having fun squishing little humans in small little useless robotic mechanical weapons while Lion's almost-but-not-so-human alien stuff were disintergrating them and my little evil alien zergs were making them chow. So, they left at around 8 while I had to rush off for A maths tuition. The after A maths, at around 9, I came back and started playing Gunbound in the hope to meet the Sumo-to-be-skinny and the Lion online. So at around 10 the EvilEmpressDowager came up and yada yada nag nag that I have no limits. I thought it was just her usual nagging and I didn't know it was actually a threat. A threat that said, "Better get off." and not "you ar.. I don't know what to do with you."


Being the usual stubborn wilful FatCat, I ignored her and continued playing till she stormed up at 11pm and demanded I get off to sleep. SO I did. When I was brushing my teeth in the KittyBox, she came in and started washing up too just that she was half doing that and half scolding me. I kept quiet and went out and started brushing my fur.

Then a little something called Menopause acted up.

She blew up when she came out, went crazy until I really wanted to scream, run across the room, grab the rosary and scream out, "Get out of her you evil thing! You don't want to know how much more evil she is than you!!!!" In fact, the EvilEmpressDowager stormed to the computer, switched on the power and snarled, "Since you like playing computer so much then fine la! Play till you drop! I don't care! I want you to sit here the whole night and play! Don't you dare sleep or touch the bed cause I'm gonna get up to check! And I'm gonna ask Aunty tomorrow not to serve you lunch till I come back in the Night!"

Obviously, I just stood there with the typical "huuuuh???"look.

So then the EvilEmpressDowager threatened, "Why're you just standing there? The computer is on you know. Go play la."and then she stormed off to switch off the lights and went to sleep, leaving me with a big sweatdrop on my head. I went to switch on a tiny table lamp so that I could see what I was typing but she later came and switched it off. Then I switched on a smaller table lamp and she switched that off too. Evil she is.

Anyway so I got a BIG jug of water, grabbed my blanket and met lion, Sumo-to-be-skinny and I bugged the SkinnyBoy to go on gunbound to accompany me through the No-sleep campaign. My mom soon fell asleep and my dad came up at around 2am while I was still happily playing and suddenly switched the power switch off, giving FatCat a shock. "Go and sleep or I'll whack you" he threatened. And when I said the EvilEmpressDowager said I cannot sleep, he just repeated those words and I went to sleep.

The next day I overheard my dad telling my mom that her punishments were unreasonable and that she should not be so reckless and unreasonable. He also said she was stressing me up and that she doesn't understand me at all. You go Dad!!!

I love my daddy.

I confess I am!!!

You Know You're Addicted to Anime When...

You call your dog Shinji.
You perform a canon ball dive into a pool while yelling "Spirit Bomb!"
Your house has an anime room.
You and your friends flash peace signs and take girlish poses when you are happy. You get an anime tattoo. even though you're scared of needles.
Your walls are covered in wallscrolls and posters from your favorite series.
If you use the term 'Kawaii' for describing everything.
You try to convince your girlfriend that 'cat ears' and 'tail' really looks good on them.
You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you dont speek Japanese...
You spent hours looking through your library for a copy of "The Universe of Four Gods"
You have legally changed your name to that of your favorite charcter.
You wear a necklace and fall down everytime someone says sit boy.
You insist on having an entrance that includes spotlights, music, and raining cherry blossoms (while you hold a rose if you're a guy). Your only dream is to attend Tokyo U with a girl you haven't seen in 15 years.
You play an instrument and you nick name it Inuyasha
For valinetines day you buy a stuffed dog and make up your on japanese name for it
If you get mad at you teacher and draw a picture of her as a anime demon cat
You wtch Iron Chef constanly to pick up great recipes ( haven't done it but plan to )
You've bought a twenty dollar ring in the shaped of a dragon to show off at school.
You always have your hair covering your left eye and always fliping it so you look like a anime character.
You think that falling flat on your back with your legs in the air is a normal reaction to big news.
You are worried because you don't have several desirable members of the opposite sex frantically trying to make you fall in love with them.
You shave a cresent moon onto your cats head, dye the cat purple, then take it to school and insist it's Luna, your talking cat.
You go around town trying to eat donuts and act all crazy-like, all the while saying you're Vash the Stampede.
To resolve a conflict, you insist in a duel.
The employees at Gamestop know you, and tell you when you walk in if they've gotten a new shipment of anime DVDs.
You've gotten angry at someone and placed two fingers on your forehead shouted the word "Makanekasopo!" (specail beam cannon or light of death) and then poked them in the eye.
You waste countless amounts of hair gel to get that "Goku look"
You map out points in Tokyo where the Dragons of Earth might attack
You believe it is possible for a person to be severly beaten in the head with a large hammer, stick, etc...and still come out alive.
You have a moment of confusion whenever you go to school because there are no girls in those tiny little skirts that come with their school uniform
You yell out 'Baka hanyou Inu-Yasha!' at your birthday party and everyone (except your parents) knows you're talking to your boyfriend.
You tell your parents you need to stay out past curfew to save the colonies.
Each time you see a stray animal, you turn your hat sideways and throw one of those plastic Pokeballs Burger King was giving out in their kids' meals yelling, "POKEBALL, GO!"
You add "no da" to the end of all statements you make
The majority of your CDs are Japanese or the English version of a Japanese soundtrack or the English soundtrack of an anime that just decided that it would use English in its songs.
You misplace your manga and someone at school you don't even know gives it to you saying they knew it was yours.
You incorporate Japanese, somehow, into every class.
You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you dont speek Japanese...
You use random Japanese words such as baka, kawaii, and hentai.
You try to read every book from right to left
You take a break from watching anime to go to your computer (nicknamed Lord Conti) to download anime (for previewing purposes only! ;) ), while visiting your favorite anime forum, while listening to Japanese webradio...
You call your parents Oka-san and Otou-san
You say ITADAKIMASU!! before you eat your meals
You think that locket your boyfriend gave you will turn you into a magical girl
You'll risk grounding to get a good new fanfic.
You constantly say "w00p" after almost every sentance.
You insist on chopsticks for everyday use.
Your bookshelf is filled with anime boxed sets and no books
You stop listening to the radio because english makes no sense to you anymore and it's your first spoken language
You call yourself "otaku."
All of your family portraits have been altered to the proper super large eye size.
Random battles seem to erupt wherever you go.
You take the time to write messages on your cigarettes, only to burn them right away.
Your dreams are animated.
You naru punch all the guys at school, and then wonder why they don't follow you around like keitaro follows naru.
You hold your eyes really wide all day trying to make them stay big
Duct tape is really funny to you and most of your threats involve taping people to walls.
When you're washing dishes you yell out "SUPAH WAVE SMASHUH!" or any water attack.
You run out of space on your computer because the hard drive is taken up by hundreds of anime pics, mp3s, midis, and music videos.
You spend all night trying to figure out how many people you can get to go in with you on buying the complete collection of Sailor Moon episodes in Japanese.
You spend your whole spring break working on an anime webpage.
You expect to see a teardrop over someone's head when they get embarressed.
You start to speak with an odd accent.
You can watch two animes in the same room at the same time and still have the TV off.
You know your favorite character's bloodtype.
Knowing Sailor Moon helps you on an Astronomy test.

NO COPYING!

FatCat's nine lives has been cut short to one!

Yeah I think I'm dying. I've had a continuous fever for two days and a recent blood test this morning (which really hurt) shows that my blood palettes are less than half of the amount of what I'm supposed to have. Yeah so I suspect its dengue... SO like ya... I think I'm really gonna die for real this time.

The last year's experience of dengue was bad enough to leave me traumatised.... so like yeah... that's another of my nine lives gone.. sob... Haiz.. Depends on tomorrow's blood test results than we will seee... If its dengue then I would be rushed to hospital where they would attach me to that evil drip again (nuuuuuuuuuuu and I thought i got away from it for good!) sigh.. it depends la folks... for the moment I'm kinda hoping its not cause it'd ruin my june plans. but the funny thing is, I kinda miss the hospital cause they have DISCOVERY CHANNEL(heh the good rocks too) and I'm actually looking forward to getting admitted for some weird psychotic reason.

I think i'm going mad -.- I'm starting to feel an adrenalin rush whenever my daddy draws blood from me. It's so fun to feel the pain.... It's weird. I think I'm going mad. I have a phobia for needles and yet while I'm shivering in my paws I'm feeling ectasy to go ahead with the blood test. Maybe its the sight of my own blood that amazes me. I don't know. I get amazed by everything.Wait.

This is just soooooo wrong.

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WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!

I need a shrink.. I'm sure its not a hairball or anything( Inner voice: Hairballs don't clog up brains you baka) ... I KNEW THAT!!! So anyway.. for now this will be my last post. I'd blog if its dengue and if I gotta go to hospital as soon as I know.. but for now... it stays like this people...