Heart, desire, mind: Break free
Well we met TallDarkAnnoying today (yes the guy who I had a crush on since p5 wjhen he first liked me and when I first met him and when he was still leeching on to TheLion). And boy does he LOOK different!! He looks kinda like a little wet mop ya know.. he grew long hair... I don't know why he likes it but he looks not bad... Actually he looks GREAT or what my older sister would say when she drools over guys that they're "hot-a-licious" but yeahs... you get the point. I
It probably was very weird when I finally saw him after like 2 years and also very embarrassing. The worst thing was that I have never hugged him before (I was very conscious and very introvert when I was younger) and when he hugged me at the airport (as he did to TheLion and TheSumo) I just felt weird. It is like being thrown into a big rollercoaster ride back into the past. It was very troubling. I could not concentrate on anything - even through my tantalising and delicious popeye's brunch meal. He's a lot taller now too (he used to be shorter than me).
I was immediately snapped back to reality when he had to go to Lavender to create his IC and I kinda felt sad there wasnt time for the two of us to catch up. It is sad really. Maybe I have just missed him as a friend or maybe more but it really doesnt matter cause I don't know who I am nowadays. Plus, he's attached and I already love someone else already.
So anyways, enough of that. So TheSumo, TheLion and TheSumo's fatass friend went to play arcade and after that we had an expensive round of CS (4 bucks for an hour! Can you believe that?!?) and then well.... we went to have dinner (which was bloody good) and that was about it.... I'm blogging here now and its just after dinner... still at TheSumo's house...
It is very weird of how you think you could have forgotten a person and be all happy when you do but the moment they appear again, you suddenly feel confused with that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling...It is then that you're torn into two and from that two, there are 3 things ruling your judgement : Your heart, your desires and your mind.
For the mind it thought it had stopped liking someone because it has been replaced by another but the heart knows that it hasn't - it's just buried deep so that nobody can see it; however it will come out when that person comes back unexpectedly.
For the selfish desires of a person, it is obviously human nature to cling on in the hope of getting a chance no matter what and after failing over and over and disappointed by the lack of guts the person it belongs to has, it gives up but it finds another that fulfils the simple but complicated desires in life: Security, Love and Mutual Respect.
But basically for my case....
The desire insists to cling on to something that wasn't there or had been there once upon a fairy tale;
The mind tells you to let go because he's not suitable and there's already another who loves you so much;
The heart is just tired of the haunting pasts and is just painfully confused.
It's tiring to love but its tiring not to.
It probably was very weird when I finally saw him after like 2 years and also very embarrassing. The worst thing was that I have never hugged him before (I was very conscious and very introvert when I was younger) and when he hugged me at the airport (as he did to TheLion and TheSumo) I just felt weird. It is like being thrown into a big rollercoaster ride back into the past. It was very troubling. I could not concentrate on anything - even through my tantalising and delicious popeye's brunch meal. He's a lot taller now too (he used to be shorter than me).
I was immediately snapped back to reality when he had to go to Lavender to create his IC and I kinda felt sad there wasnt time for the two of us to catch up. It is sad really. Maybe I have just missed him as a friend or maybe more but it really doesnt matter cause I don't know who I am nowadays. Plus, he's attached and I already love someone else already.
So anyways, enough of that. So TheSumo, TheLion and TheSumo's fatass friend went to play arcade and after that we had an expensive round of CS (4 bucks for an hour! Can you believe that?!?) and then well.... we went to have dinner (which was bloody good) and that was about it.... I'm blogging here now and its just after dinner... still at TheSumo's house...
It is very weird of how you think you could have forgotten a person and be all happy when you do but the moment they appear again, you suddenly feel confused with that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling...It is then that you're torn into two and from that two, there are 3 things ruling your judgement : Your heart, your desires and your mind.
For the mind it thought it had stopped liking someone because it has been replaced by another but the heart knows that it hasn't - it's just buried deep so that nobody can see it; however it will come out when that person comes back unexpectedly.
For the selfish desires of a person, it is obviously human nature to cling on in the hope of getting a chance no matter what and after failing over and over and disappointed by the lack of guts the person it belongs to has, it gives up but it finds another that fulfils the simple but complicated desires in life: Security, Love and Mutual Respect.
But basically for my case....
The desire insists to cling on to something that wasn't there or had been there once upon a fairy tale;
The mind tells you to let go because he's not suitable and there's already another who loves you so much;
The heart is just tired of the haunting pasts and is just painfully confused.
It's tiring to love but its tiring not to.
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