Operations and complications
well operation numb is still ongoing... I can now smile but yet cry.. It's weird and ironic and I can force my voice not to crack so I sound completely normal... 10% to self-destruction? Possible.
Argh I feel the stress now but I aint doing anything about it, making me even more stressed up! I must - I repeat - I MUST get all Ds and ABOVE for ALL MY SUBJECTS because I cannot afford to retain and I cannot afford to be left out of the dance concert... arrrrghhh
Somehow I wish I could just fast-forward time.. I'd fast-forward it to after the exams..
Somebody asked me something the other day and I had trouble explaining to him the concept of love.... to be honest, I could not. I guess, when you love someone... it seems as if that person has rooted him/herself deeply into your life and if it is removed, there would be a wide empty vacuum that would engulf everything else... Not only would it hurt forever but it would change your whole outlook on life...it's like a portrait with one big black spot on it. Erasable.
Dear, I hope we last. I really do. But yet I know somewhere that I'm deluding myself. We're both still young and you probably have other preferences because I definitely don't fit the bill for the perfect girl that you would probably want... I don't know... I just feel that you'll meet someone better than me and the person standing next to me on the wedding ailse won't be you but some other complete stranger that I probably can only give 0.1% to because you have the other 99.9% of me.
Haha maybe its just my low self-esteem playing up again or my paranoia. Once bitten twice shy? I don't know. But its haunting. Everytime I try to think of happy romantic thoughts, this always poisons it and the beautiful picture will turn into an ugly negative... I really hope we'll make it - I really really do...and I don't really know if that is foolish thinking? I hope it isnt.
You want to know why I look so sad every saturday when you're leaving? It's because I treasure every moment we have as if it would be our last and I fear - I really do fear- that the next day you'd find someone better...
Ha it almost sounds as if my life revolves around you but yes it is somewhat true... right now you're almost like the pillar holding everything up. If that's gone, the world would come crashing down. Again. The last time it already cracked the floor.. if it falls again I don't think I would be able to piece it back together... I really do love you dear... and somehow I just can't bear to say all this in front of your face. It's just too sentimental and whiny. You should know I won't ever say this in front of you right? =(
Argh I really should be shot for these thoughts...
Argh I feel the stress now but I aint doing anything about it, making me even more stressed up! I must - I repeat - I MUST get all Ds and ABOVE for ALL MY SUBJECTS because I cannot afford to retain and I cannot afford to be left out of the dance concert... arrrrghhh
Somehow I wish I could just fast-forward time.. I'd fast-forward it to after the exams..
Somebody asked me something the other day and I had trouble explaining to him the concept of love.... to be honest, I could not. I guess, when you love someone... it seems as if that person has rooted him/herself deeply into your life and if it is removed, there would be a wide empty vacuum that would engulf everything else... Not only would it hurt forever but it would change your whole outlook on life...it's like a portrait with one big black spot on it. Erasable.
Dear, I hope we last. I really do. But yet I know somewhere that I'm deluding myself. We're both still young and you probably have other preferences because I definitely don't fit the bill for the perfect girl that you would probably want... I don't know... I just feel that you'll meet someone better than me and the person standing next to me on the wedding ailse won't be you but some other complete stranger that I probably can only give 0.1% to because you have the other 99.9% of me.
Haha maybe its just my low self-esteem playing up again or my paranoia. Once bitten twice shy? I don't know. But its haunting. Everytime I try to think of happy romantic thoughts, this always poisons it and the beautiful picture will turn into an ugly negative... I really hope we'll make it - I really really do...and I don't really know if that is foolish thinking? I hope it isnt.
You want to know why I look so sad every saturday when you're leaving? It's because I treasure every moment we have as if it would be our last and I fear - I really do fear- that the next day you'd find someone better...
Ha it almost sounds as if my life revolves around you but yes it is somewhat true... right now you're almost like the pillar holding everything up. If that's gone, the world would come crashing down. Again. The last time it already cracked the floor.. if it falls again I don't think I would be able to piece it back together... I really do love you dear... and somehow I just can't bear to say all this in front of your face. It's just too sentimental and whiny. You should know I won't ever say this in front of you right? =(
Argh I really should be shot for these thoughts...
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