Facials, A pack of llamas and an electronic boyfriend
This skin's so annoying. Took me bloody long to sort it out. Ugh.
Anyways, I went for a facial today cause my mom's been complaining she can't stand the sight of my pimples [gee thanks for the compliment] but its okay because I've never tried a facial before [mom i gotta thank you there] but then again it didn't turn out as I thought it would be [and that's where i DON'T thank you] because it turned out to be a torture session where i was having a squirming session on the bed I was lying on.
Its torturous, really.
If the pain of extracting your pimples doesn't kill you, the boredom will.
So what to do if you're lying there for lets say... 2 hours while suffering immense pain as a lady pokes and cleans ur face with a needle and a scary looking round thing? Well think of llamas of course! Don't ask me why. llamas are just suddenly so-oh appealing.
Then I quickly stopped thinking of llamas when i started to halucinate I heard a baa. Okay I know sheeps go baa but in my topsy-turvy complex un-logical mind of mine, llamas go baa. So it stays. Anyway so I started to think of the comic I had just bought from popular. It looked interesting enough with the cover of a guy in a cardboard box with a paper in his mouth stating, "A present for you" and that the title was "Absolute boyfriend" so I bought it. Okay, so the guy was kinda.... naked but hey, I didn't buy the book for that reason. In fact, I wished, he HAD some clothes on cause staring at his lean and skinny body makes me feel fat. SO I thought, if he wore baggy clothes and oversized shoes that the aliens we know as guys or men wear, he'd look fatter. Then i'll be happy cause I won't be ogling and being envious of how skinny he is even though its ridiculous because its a comic book. Hey, it still gets to me.
Okay back to electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny boyfriend comic book. Did I just say really-hot? Hm i think. But netherless, nobody's hotter than my Johnny Depp -swoons- in Pirates of the Carribean who can make my knees weak in an instant even though he wore layers of foundation and TONS of mascara in that show. I think it's the hat or the hair or the gun. Or maybe it's the mascara. It's bizarre. Girls, he's definately a keeper. No offense here dear, you're boy boy cute-ish not hot and macho and stuff. Be honoured. I only know a few dudes who have that if-I-stare-at-you-hard-enough-I-hope-you'd-gimme-a-candy-look and you're one of them and I find that completely adorable so don't be sad yupps? Heres a consolation: Only Johnny Depp and unrealistic comic book people are hot. Other than that, POO to the other wanna-be-hot-dudes!
I'm sorry I got carried off. ANYWAY! Back to electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny boyfriend comic book! It's about this girl who is a complete sucker at getting hitched and she just gets rejected over and over [I can never understand why this is so because she's so pretty and bubbly] and so she stumbles on a dating online thing who can find her "THE perfect match" and then she tries the "3-day trial" and a huge package comes to her house and she pries it open and poom! The electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny-guy-whom-I'm-so-swooning-and-envious-over drops out onto her, yes, naked. Basically, he's a "model" or a robot that's EXACTLY almost human(except that he has a programme) and he's programmed to be there for her and love her with undying love and cherish her and bla bla bla. It's really sweet cause he's EVERYTHING a girl can dream of! He cooks, he's fit, he's built, he's got a fantastic personality, he's got that "look" that makes every girl swoon at his knees, he's protective over his girlfriend (the girl who's hopeless at getting hitched), he defends her in trouble, he can't make you pregnant [ah-duh], he's got no insane sexual drive that many guys can't control and end up doing.... not so nice things..., he has undying devotion for her(something REALLY rare in guys nowadays! -sigh- the lives of us tragic women.) and basically everything in a package!
Girls, drooling already?
So I thought during that bored and torturous time, what IF these kinda stuff do exist? I wondered if I got one of those electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny-guy-whom-I'm-so-swooning-and-envious-over as a boyfriend whose gonna be there at my whims and fancies? It'd be great just that everyone's gonna get one and all our boyfriends are gonna be all looking the same. It's very disturbing. Here's an example of a case scenario:
So I am walk along the street and sees my boyfriend-look-alike kissing another girl. I run over thinking its REALLY my boyfriend cause they're ALL identical.
Mel: YOU CAD! -slaps boyfriend-
Girl's electronic boyfriend: ?!?!
Girl: !!!! You slapped my boyfriend! He's MY boyfriend!
Mel: -slaps girl- No! He's MINE!
Girl:-stares hard at electronic boyfriend- YOU MEAN YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?! -slaps electronic boyfriend and runs off bawling-
Mel: -checks barcode at the back of the electronic boyfriend's neck and finds out it REALLY IS the other girl's electronic boyfriend- oops.
Get it? Disturbing yes? And guys on this earth would be redundant too and they might all just turn gay. Which I may state, is VERY disturbing as well because places of slim wraps, facial and botox jabs would be very very full and its already worst enough with the women in it. Also, that means that guys would be thinner than me and I find that UNEXCEPTABLE! -chants to myself: I'm not fat I'm not fat I'm not fat...- -realises I'm fat and runs to a corner and bawls loudly- Secondly, shopping centres would be more crowded and that's gonna be HELL UNLEASHED! Thirdly, everyone's gonna be wearing perfume and air pollution would be unbearable that I think even smokers would wanna give up smoking and wear a mask on the streets.
But those are just the cons. Think about it girls, a PERFECT boyfriend. How wonderful is that?! Designed for your pure sinful pleasure and selfish reasons. The thought of it sends a tingle down my back. Imagine this: You wake up in the morning, a WONDERFUL AND SCUMPTIOUS breakfast is done by your electronic boyfriend and you rush off to school soon after. You come back, lunch is ready, the dishes are done, the house is spick and span, the dog has been fed and played with, your bed is tidy and your love just runs up to you and welcomes you home in a big and wonderful hug that makes you melt totally in his arms and forget the horrible things that had happened that day. Couldn't it be just anymore perfect? I don't think so. What's more, he gives in to everything you do, doesn't complain about anything at all, is content with his life and is madly and deeply in love with you. -sighs dramatically- But then again, the giving in part is a bit extreme. He's gotta disagree sometimes and a friendly argument is fun too. How sinful is that? Selfishness is obvious here. Then at night, after he's finished doing your homework and when you're done with watching tv, he carries you to the bed and cuddles you from behind as he kisses you to sleep. Gee how fairy tale. Bet nobody ever does this.
Stupid society. So unromantic.
Then I got rudely awoken from my daydream as I yelled in pain as my facial gal popped a big pimple which hurt A LOT and I swear [figure of speech, not in the name of god or myself] I could hear a llama laughing at me and saying, "Welcome back to reality."
Poo.
No electronic boyfriend.
Anyways, I went for a facial today cause my mom's been complaining she can't stand the sight of my pimples [gee thanks for the compliment] but its okay because I've never tried a facial before [mom i gotta thank you there] but then again it didn't turn out as I thought it would be [and that's where i DON'T thank you] because it turned out to be a torture session where i was having a squirming session on the bed I was lying on.
Its torturous, really.
If the pain of extracting your pimples doesn't kill you, the boredom will.
So what to do if you're lying there for lets say... 2 hours while suffering immense pain as a lady pokes and cleans ur face with a needle and a scary looking round thing? Well think of llamas of course! Don't ask me why. llamas are just suddenly so-oh appealing.
Then I quickly stopped thinking of llamas when i started to halucinate I heard a baa. Okay I know sheeps go baa but in my topsy-turvy complex un-logical mind of mine, llamas go baa. So it stays. Anyway so I started to think of the comic I had just bought from popular. It looked interesting enough with the cover of a guy in a cardboard box with a paper in his mouth stating, "A present for you" and that the title was "Absolute boyfriend" so I bought it. Okay, so the guy was kinda.... naked but hey, I didn't buy the book for that reason. In fact, I wished, he HAD some clothes on cause staring at his lean and skinny body makes me feel fat. SO I thought, if he wore baggy clothes and oversized shoes that the aliens we know as guys or men wear, he'd look fatter. Then i'll be happy cause I won't be ogling and being envious of how skinny he is even though its ridiculous because its a comic book. Hey, it still gets to me.
Okay back to electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny boyfriend comic book. Did I just say really-hot? Hm i think. But netherless, nobody's hotter than my Johnny Depp -swoons- in Pirates of the Carribean who can make my knees weak in an instant even though he wore layers of foundation and TONS of mascara in that show. I think it's the hat or the hair or the gun. Or maybe it's the mascara. It's bizarre. Girls, he's definately a keeper. No offense here dear, you're boy boy cute-ish not hot and macho and stuff. Be honoured. I only know a few dudes who have that if-I-stare-at-you-hard-enough-I-hope-you'd-gimme-a-candy-look and you're one of them and I find that completely adorable so don't be sad yupps? Heres a consolation: Only Johnny Depp and unrealistic comic book people are hot. Other than that, POO to the other wanna-be-hot-dudes!
I'm sorry I got carried off. ANYWAY! Back to electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny boyfriend comic book! It's about this girl who is a complete sucker at getting hitched and she just gets rejected over and over [I can never understand why this is so because she's so pretty and bubbly] and so she stumbles on a dating online thing who can find her "THE perfect match" and then she tries the "3-day trial" and a huge package comes to her house and she pries it open and poom! The electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny-guy-whom-I'm-so-swooning-and-envious-over drops out onto her, yes, naked. Basically, he's a "model" or a robot that's EXACTLY almost human(except that he has a programme) and he's programmed to be there for her and love her with undying love and cherish her and bla bla bla. It's really sweet cause he's EVERYTHING a girl can dream of! He cooks, he's fit, he's built, he's got a fantastic personality, he's got that "look" that makes every girl swoon at his knees, he's protective over his girlfriend (the girl who's hopeless at getting hitched), he defends her in trouble, he can't make you pregnant [ah-duh], he's got no insane sexual drive that many guys can't control and end up doing.... not so nice things..., he has undying devotion for her(something REALLY rare in guys nowadays! -sigh- the lives of us tragic women.) and basically everything in a package!
Girls, drooling already?
So I thought during that bored and torturous time, what IF these kinda stuff do exist? I wondered if I got one of those electronic half-naked really-hot-and-skinny-guy-whom-I'm-so-swooning-and-envious-over as a boyfriend whose gonna be there at my whims and fancies? It'd be great just that everyone's gonna get one and all our boyfriends are gonna be all looking the same. It's very disturbing. Here's an example of a case scenario:
So I am walk along the street and sees my boyfriend-look-alike kissing another girl. I run over thinking its REALLY my boyfriend cause they're ALL identical.
Mel: YOU CAD! -slaps boyfriend-
Girl's electronic boyfriend: ?!?!
Girl: !!!! You slapped my boyfriend! He's MY boyfriend!
Mel: -slaps girl- No! He's MINE!
Girl:-stares hard at electronic boyfriend- YOU MEAN YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?! -slaps electronic boyfriend and runs off bawling-
Mel: -checks barcode at the back of the electronic boyfriend's neck and finds out it REALLY IS the other girl's electronic boyfriend- oops.
Get it? Disturbing yes? And guys on this earth would be redundant too and they might all just turn gay. Which I may state, is VERY disturbing as well because places of slim wraps, facial and botox jabs would be very very full and its already worst enough with the women in it. Also, that means that guys would be thinner than me and I find that UNEXCEPTABLE! -chants to myself: I'm not fat I'm not fat I'm not fat...- -realises I'm fat and runs to a corner and bawls loudly- Secondly, shopping centres would be more crowded and that's gonna be HELL UNLEASHED! Thirdly, everyone's gonna be wearing perfume and air pollution would be unbearable that I think even smokers would wanna give up smoking and wear a mask on the streets.
But those are just the cons. Think about it girls, a PERFECT boyfriend. How wonderful is that?! Designed for your pure sinful pleasure and selfish reasons. The thought of it sends a tingle down my back. Imagine this: You wake up in the morning, a WONDERFUL AND SCUMPTIOUS breakfast is done by your electronic boyfriend and you rush off to school soon after. You come back, lunch is ready, the dishes are done, the house is spick and span, the dog has been fed and played with, your bed is tidy and your love just runs up to you and welcomes you home in a big and wonderful hug that makes you melt totally in his arms and forget the horrible things that had happened that day. Couldn't it be just anymore perfect? I don't think so. What's more, he gives in to everything you do, doesn't complain about anything at all, is content with his life and is madly and deeply in love with you. -sighs dramatically- But then again, the giving in part is a bit extreme. He's gotta disagree sometimes and a friendly argument is fun too. How sinful is that? Selfishness is obvious here. Then at night, after he's finished doing your homework and when you're done with watching tv, he carries you to the bed and cuddles you from behind as he kisses you to sleep. Gee how fairy tale. Bet nobody ever does this.
Stupid society. So unromantic.
Then I got rudely awoken from my daydream as I yelled in pain as my facial gal popped a big pimple which hurt A LOT and I swear [figure of speech, not in the name of god or myself] I could hear a llama laughing at me and saying, "Welcome back to reality."
Poo.
No electronic boyfriend.
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