Very sorry
Seriously, I find myself a total loser and a b*tch. Sorry for my constant criticising of myself but I'm really ashamed. Anyone else reading this now, don't bother reading on because it's only for one person and I think that person knows who he is.
So here goes....
I know you said that sharing is good because it builds trust but don't regret sharing what you told me okay? You don't have to feel bad because I'm not bothered anymore. Its silly isn't it? I really can be so paranoid and doubtful at times. It's probably in my stubborn and suspicious nature and I really can't help it sometimes. When I woke up this morning and switched on my phone, I read the messages and I'm wondering, "You sounded so serious. Wonder what you could have left?" So, being curious, I switched on my computer and logged to friendster. I saw that i received messages and a photo caption.
To be frank, I felt very stupid when I asked you those stupid questions yesterday because I felt ashamed that I didn't trust you by thinking that you only like me for her. Understand what I'm saying here? As a matter of fact, I felt even more ashamed when I read the message you left. It's very silly isn't it? All this stupid misunderstanding I had created because of my annoying nature? After all, you ARE in fact the closest person to me [other than alicia, Jazreel, Audrey, my other friends and family] and when I think back, I'm so silly to have doubted you. I don't know why. Maybe it was because you're my first love and I didn't want to be hurt for my own selfish reasons? Or maybe it was because I just didn't want to lose you? Or maybe because I didn't want to be alone and sink back to my depressed life with nobody to talk to? I guess I couldn't say all this out yesterday on the phone cause my parents were around - but mostly it was because I was too embarrassed to tell you.
Even actually talking to you about it on the phone yesterday was very awkward. I initially didn't plan to tell you about it and try to leave it alone but it really popped up in my mind every minute I was not concentrating on something.
You know what?
Yesterday, when I was in church, I spoke to god about it. I know you don't believe in him but I do and he's helped me a lot through my life. Immediately after I spoke to him about it, I felt a lot, a lot lighter inside and he told me in a small voice in my head to talk to you about it because leaving it alone won't help and it would only make matters worse.
You know something else....?
Yesterday, I almost did not want to pick up the phone when I saw your house number on my phone display because I really was too embarrassed and didn't know how to talk to you about it.
Something else you didn't know...?
I was holding the rosary. =)
Final conclusion....
I'm sorry for being so silly and all. I wish you didn't read the previous entry in my blog though... cause it's all nonsense or poppycock as you would say. I was planning to actually delete that entry this morning but you already read it yesterday night. Too late.
Anyway, I love you too, I'm sorry for causing you the misunderstanding and I hope that I won't be so silly again =)
So here goes....
I know you said that sharing is good because it builds trust but don't regret sharing what you told me okay? You don't have to feel bad because I'm not bothered anymore. Its silly isn't it? I really can be so paranoid and doubtful at times. It's probably in my stubborn and suspicious nature and I really can't help it sometimes. When I woke up this morning and switched on my phone, I read the messages and I'm wondering, "You sounded so serious. Wonder what you could have left?" So, being curious, I switched on my computer and logged to friendster. I saw that i received messages and a photo caption.
To be frank, I felt very stupid when I asked you those stupid questions yesterday because I felt ashamed that I didn't trust you by thinking that you only like me for her. Understand what I'm saying here? As a matter of fact, I felt even more ashamed when I read the message you left. It's very silly isn't it? All this stupid misunderstanding I had created because of my annoying nature? After all, you ARE in fact the closest person to me [other than alicia, Jazreel, Audrey, my other friends and family] and when I think back, I'm so silly to have doubted you. I don't know why. Maybe it was because you're my first love and I didn't want to be hurt for my own selfish reasons? Or maybe it was because I just didn't want to lose you? Or maybe because I didn't want to be alone and sink back to my depressed life with nobody to talk to? I guess I couldn't say all this out yesterday on the phone cause my parents were around - but mostly it was because I was too embarrassed to tell you.
Even actually talking to you about it on the phone yesterday was very awkward. I initially didn't plan to tell you about it and try to leave it alone but it really popped up in my mind every minute I was not concentrating on something.
You know what?
Yesterday, when I was in church, I spoke to god about it. I know you don't believe in him but I do and he's helped me a lot through my life. Immediately after I spoke to him about it, I felt a lot, a lot lighter inside and he told me in a small voice in my head to talk to you about it because leaving it alone won't help and it would only make matters worse.
You know something else....?
Yesterday, I almost did not want to pick up the phone when I saw your house number on my phone display because I really was too embarrassed and didn't know how to talk to you about it.
Something else you didn't know...?
I was holding the rosary. =)
Final conclusion....
I'm sorry for being so silly and all. I wish you didn't read the previous entry in my blog though... cause it's all nonsense or poppycock as you would say. I was planning to actually delete that entry this morning but you already read it yesterday night. Too late.
Anyway, I love you too, I'm sorry for causing you the misunderstanding and I hope that I won't be so silly again =)
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