My eczema has gotten worse and I think I can finally attribute it to something - my bodysoap. I probably should change it as soon as possible. As of now, I'm really going to have to exercise discipline by not scratching.

Earlier on, I was watching anime and unconsciously started scratching my calf. A few minutes later, I felt something excessively wet on my fingers and looked down only to be astonished because my whole calf was red with blood. I'm not really sure what exactly I had done but the blood was enough to be flowing in excess. So yeah, we'll stop the soap and see how that goes.

On another note, I still feel like my life now is pretty much a dream. The simplified life where it used to be dance, studies and you, already seemed dreamlike enough. Now, without dance, its just studies and you, giving me a lot of free time which I have no idea on how to fill up apart from studying even more. I tried playing (gaming, watching anime, etc.) but after a while these activities became draggy and loses its thrill.

Too much free time is bad. I get bored, depressed or I just end up missing you. It's a vicious cycle. When I'm neck high in work, I want free time and when I have free time, I want stuff to do. And when I have no work to do, I realise how itchy my damn eczema is and I start to scratch, making me upset because I hate the ugly scars I now have all over =/

I should stop being so self-destructive and focus my energies on something else. I do hope that my job applications get through because this would solve the issue greatly.

And hey, even if the world no longer hears you, I can. I'm not significant enough to compare to the important people in your life, but I hope that despite this selfish thinking, you know you're not alone. Cause you matter.