MOSy
It just dawned on me today that without my awesome self-control and my book of instilled values to keep me in check, I can be pretty darn monstrous. And unfortunately this self-control tends to weaken when things go wrong for me consecutively so that's something I will really have to work on.
I'm currently sitting at MOS and freezing my ass off. Studying so far has been so-so. Got 3 papers to clear by Tuesday! SSA2202, NM1101E, LAJ2201 and my own outside exam tomorrow. Gah. Talk about overkill. But somehow I think I'd manage pretty well (despite leaving my NM notes in school ARGH.)
Coming back to this place brings back memories. Sitting at the same spots I used to sit at every single day for the past 3 months before A levels from 10am-9pm, it pretty much feels like home. And I cannot believe I actually forgot how bloody cold this place was. And I'm not even wearing a skirt this time.
But hey, some things don't change. I still recognise some of the staff after 2 years and all the decoraton is the same. Thank god they changed the horrible music, though.
A sudden thought came to me while I was studying. I thought, despite having disappeared from this place for 2 years, it still feels like only a day has passed. And its quite a scary thought. Imagine 50 years down the road, I come back here (assuming its still around) and the place is still timeless. Imagine 50 years after that, I'm dead and there's no proof of me having ever been there.
Insert the second thought: My life during JC was like a blank in my memory. I wouldn't call it much of a life being in limbo most of the time, but it suddenly hit me that sitting here and mugging for the pursuit of grades and for no other purpose in my life was an exact deja vu of JC. For who am I studying for? Definitely not myself. And for what purpose? Does it really matter that I get straight As, get on the Dean's List and graduate with 1st class honours? Does it matter in the end if I get a PHD? How does that ever contribute to my happiness? Sometimes I think that just doing odd jobs part-time would possibly make me happier than I would be sitting in a cushy office with a pompous-looking PHD framed up on the wall behind me. Even if odd jobs don't pay as well.
I feel like I'm on a conveyor belt. Primary school -> Secondary school-> JC -> University. And when I'm out, its a boot to the ass into the working life which would then carry on for a long while before I hit the next stage of Retirement and shortly after, permanent Termination.
Like the song I'm listening to now suggests, I feel like I'm building pyramids. All of us struggle to build up something majestic from scratch, something to be proud of, to be recognised, till we run out of bricks and mortar and then we are completely at a loss of what to do.
We forget that before we started this grand escapade, we were human and alive.
And suddenly, I feel like everything related to studies seem pointless.
Why not leave a permanent mark in this world by doing something more meaningful?
Of course, don't ask me what that would be. If I knew, I wouldn't be blogging this.
.. time to go back to my milk tea and my mound of papers.
I'm currently sitting at MOS and freezing my ass off. Studying so far has been so-so. Got 3 papers to clear by Tuesday! SSA2202, NM1101E, LAJ2201 and my own outside exam tomorrow. Gah. Talk about overkill. But somehow I think I'd manage pretty well (despite leaving my NM notes in school ARGH.)
Coming back to this place brings back memories. Sitting at the same spots I used to sit at every single day for the past 3 months before A levels from 10am-9pm, it pretty much feels like home. And I cannot believe I actually forgot how bloody cold this place was. And I'm not even wearing a skirt this time.
But hey, some things don't change. I still recognise some of the staff after 2 years and all the decoraton is the same. Thank god they changed the horrible music, though.
A sudden thought came to me while I was studying. I thought, despite having disappeared from this place for 2 years, it still feels like only a day has passed. And its quite a scary thought. Imagine 50 years down the road, I come back here (assuming its still around) and the place is still timeless. Imagine 50 years after that, I'm dead and there's no proof of me having ever been there.
Insert the second thought: My life during JC was like a blank in my memory. I wouldn't call it much of a life being in limbo most of the time, but it suddenly hit me that sitting here and mugging for the pursuit of grades and for no other purpose in my life was an exact deja vu of JC. For who am I studying for? Definitely not myself. And for what purpose? Does it really matter that I get straight As, get on the Dean's List and graduate with 1st class honours? Does it matter in the end if I get a PHD? How does that ever contribute to my happiness? Sometimes I think that just doing odd jobs part-time would possibly make me happier than I would be sitting in a cushy office with a pompous-looking PHD framed up on the wall behind me. Even if odd jobs don't pay as well.
I feel like I'm on a conveyor belt. Primary school -> Secondary school-> JC -> University. And when I'm out, its a boot to the ass into the working life which would then carry on for a long while before I hit the next stage of Retirement and shortly after, permanent Termination.
Like the song I'm listening to now suggests, I feel like I'm building pyramids. All of us struggle to build up something majestic from scratch, something to be proud of, to be recognised, till we run out of bricks and mortar and then we are completely at a loss of what to do.
We forget that before we started this grand escapade, we were human and alive.
And suddenly, I feel like everything related to studies seem pointless.
Why not leave a permanent mark in this world by doing something more meaningful?
Of course, don't ask me what that would be. If I knew, I wouldn't be blogging this.
.. time to go back to my milk tea and my mound of papers.
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