Nothing.

Couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. I can't even fucking breathe... bloody goddamn asthma acting up again... thats the bad thing about this freaking sickness - it acts up whenever you're upset or you're excited/hyper.

Goddamit I'm so fucking useless.

Just can't stop thinking. The more I think, the more my eyes start to water, the more i cry, the more i can't freaking sleep, the more i think. I just keep thinking why'd you let them...and whether you realy enjoyed it that much. It took 3 months with us to kiss you on the cheek for the first time. By that time I've known you for at least a year or 10 months. But it took 1 month for your girls at work to kiss you on the cheek. Not one, but five. By that time they've known you for only a month. What can i think about that?

i don't even know why I care so much. I don't even know why this issue is such a big deal to me. I don't even know why I'm blogging this. I don't even know what I want out of this.

But what i know is that times like these make me really want to dream and never wake up... because dreams are like a safety haven for me...I can't feel any pain, joy, jealousy or excitement...nothing and nobody can bother me there...

Now i think i'm getting a fucking fever.