The last few grains of the hourglass
Work is not the full-awesomeness of work without my LT partners. I was probably too bushed to write this down yesterday, but I mean it with all my working heart.
Time has been flying really fast, and the holidays are almost halfway over. I feel kind of detached from the ebb and flow of everything, though. It is an odd feeling. I guess being put under such a tight routine of work, work and nothing but work has that effect on you. I am not unhappy though, just feeling sort of distant from the world. For example, half the time at work, I do not feel like myself. It is as if I were on auto-pilot.
And on the topic of time, there are many doors opening for me now, but there are doors closing at the same time. One example would be Rag Dance. It is going to be tiring as hell, but I have a pretty good feeling about it. As for doors closing, I think I am overstretching myself too much. I might have to drop one tuition, and I feel really really bad about it, but I know it must be done. I really would have liked to teach her all the way up to secondary 4. It is either that, or drop Starbucks - which I will never do, no matter how good the pay is for tuition.
In addition to that, I feel like I am shutting myself in. I guess I have given up on things that I had hoped for on the more personal topic of life. And by that, I mean that side hopes like job ambitions do not count. I am talking about the ideal personal life I would have. Sure, I would have loved to have a functional family with a husband who loves me to the death and would spoil me rotten, and kids(?) who were filial to me. I would have loved to always be an optimistic person, who did not rely on the rational so often, who did not measure people so often and to take life as it comes with a pinch of salt, not a whole factory full of it.
I guess, at the end of the day, those really are just foolish words.
People do not love for life, unconditionally.
People get tired of showing appreciation.
People take others for granted.
People make you cynical.
People cannot be trusted.
Somewhere, sometime, I probably have also been guilty of this to someone else.
Maybe I really should just confine my happy and perfect world to my Sims, without the random death of shutting them in the basement with an active fireplace.
Time has been flying really fast, and the holidays are almost halfway over. I feel kind of detached from the ebb and flow of everything, though. It is an odd feeling. I guess being put under such a tight routine of work, work and nothing but work has that effect on you. I am not unhappy though, just feeling sort of distant from the world. For example, half the time at work, I do not feel like myself. It is as if I were on auto-pilot.
And on the topic of time, there are many doors opening for me now, but there are doors closing at the same time. One example would be Rag Dance. It is going to be tiring as hell, but I have a pretty good feeling about it. As for doors closing, I think I am overstretching myself too much. I might have to drop one tuition, and I feel really really bad about it, but I know it must be done. I really would have liked to teach her all the way up to secondary 4. It is either that, or drop Starbucks - which I will never do, no matter how good the pay is for tuition.
In addition to that, I feel like I am shutting myself in. I guess I have given up on things that I had hoped for on the more personal topic of life. And by that, I mean that side hopes like job ambitions do not count. I am talking about the ideal personal life I would have. Sure, I would have loved to have a functional family with a husband who loves me to the death and would spoil me rotten, and kids(?) who were filial to me. I would have loved to always be an optimistic person, who did not rely on the rational so often, who did not measure people so often and to take life as it comes with a pinch of salt, not a whole factory full of it.
I guess, at the end of the day, those really are just foolish words.
People do not love for life, unconditionally.
People get tired of showing appreciation.
People take others for granted.
People make you cynical.
People cannot be trusted.
Somewhere, sometime, I probably have also been guilty of this to someone else.
Maybe I really should just confine my happy and perfect world to my Sims, without the random death of shutting them in the basement with an active fireplace.
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