Perfection? Far from it.
I'm gonna be very very blunt today because I'm in a bloody bad mood. My whole day at school has been like FUCK man. Really. From being woken up rudely from a horrible dream, I feel as if I have never slept the whole day yet and my brain's suffocating from my stupidity. Then I go to school and my english teacher totally takes up our recess time and gives us some crap speech about the debate session our class had put up. She claims we don't try harder and that our standard is primary six. She said our class is the worst class she has ever taught and that none of the classes she has taught before was this bad (implicating that we're totally hopeless). Some more, she's our FORM TEACHER! She's our bloody fucking pathetic excuse of a form teacher!!!!
And that really ticked me off because I already have some issues with her to begin with. And thats not all she said but she said worse things that I can't mention for I will get even more pissed than I already am, thinking about it.
Honestly, the class 3/8 I'm in is not a fantastically academically inclined class but hey, some of us do try. Even do we may be lazy, we're all smart. And I think NOBODY has the right or even the AUDACITY to say we're a bad class. I personally am not a fan of the girls there but if anyone's messing with the class, they're messing with me. IF we're REALLY that much of a bad class, we won't even BOTHER to come to school and we'd just run off to an arcade where our time is better off spent but HEY, we listen and respond in class. Even though we occassionally sleep, we're just like that. We have no drive. And you wanna know why we don't? I'll tell you so listen up all you damn teachers out there who think 3/8 is a bad class!
ITS BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU PATHETIC FUCKERS OUT THERE! How would you feel if every single dragging day, a teacher comes in and tells you you're a bad class, compares you with 'better' classes who are "supposedly" weaker than you, that you're academically hopeless and that you're better off not attending school because it won't make a difference? That the money our parents spend is wasted? That we don't deserve a place in this school? That we don't deserve to be taught? Hey it hurts. Even if you don't think it does, it really hurts like a blade. And every single fucking day hearing the same fucking thing will really make you fucking believe you really are fucking worthless, illiterate, way below others and god damn USELESS! Do you know how it feels to be DEMORALISED and DEGRADED to being a THING that wasn't worth your mother's labour pain and that you're born in this world for no reason, for no purpose and just to suffer under the ostracism of others? I bet you don't. I step into class on the FIRST DAY of my secondary 3 life and I get enthusiastic vibe from my class. They listen in class. They pass up homework. They respond and ask questions.
But after the first CA they changed.
Just because the class did horribly bad for the 1st round of CAs, we started to get ostracised by teachers and the enthusiastic vibe shrank and shrank until it disappeared and nobody responded, nobody listened, nobody passed up their work anymore. All of you say we don't try but how do you expect us to when you yourselves don't think that we don't deserve a chance anymore? You know, all of us are so bloody put down, we're all struggling to beat up to our expectations, of our own and our parents. Is it because we like the praise that we work so hard to get? Or is it because of self satisfaction of proving that we're not useless? Either way, we're not reaching our goals and you're not helping by looking down on us. 3/8 is NOT a bad class. We are NOT bad students and we are NOT useless. You can belittle us all you want but we'll see who's gonna rub that distinction IN.YOUR.FACE at the end of the year.
I just want to quote something which my respected maths teacher said to me today when he caught me scribbling on the OHP machine before extra maths lesson after school:
"Your maths is already a mess! And now you're making the OHP a mess too! What else do you want to mess up?"
That really struck a nerve. It hurt a lot. Am I really such a mess that I'm only capable of producing mess? That I'm only capable of making rubbish? I know I'm the weakest A maths student in my class and that I got the lowest score for the recent CA because I had a mental block - 0. I'm not proud of it. I'm really not. In fact, I feel ashamed for getting lowest in my class. I've never got lowest in my life for anything. And that made it hurt more. And all the more, I respected him, my lit,PE and History teacher the most. I never expected him to give up on me and see me and the class as the other teachers do.
Perfection. Is it really that what makes you a bad or a good person? Is academic results perfection to a Singaporean's eyes? Does academic results really make you a useful person in society? That you're capable of everything with just education? I got one word for all that- bullshit. If you were to die tomorrow, would people remember you as a good person because you are smart? No. Education would be useless then. It's only temporary in your life. Whilst others like love and faith are permanent, people shouldn't judge you on material things. People should not put others down because ultimately, you're killing them.
I've died a million times over and over by such teachers that we have. So now I'm gonna prove it to them again as I had done for mid-years. I am NOT useless. I CAN do mathematics and I'm WAY better than ALL the smart jackasses yall worship as gods and godesses just because they are PURE geniuses or super hardworking! And may GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL because we'll see who gets the last laugh. I'm gonna make yall so SO embarassed and guilty about the way you had treated me and all of 3/8 that you're gonna stoop lower than my evil pet llama!
Don't.push.me.
And that really ticked me off because I already have some issues with her to begin with. And thats not all she said but she said worse things that I can't mention for I will get even more pissed than I already am, thinking about it.
Honestly, the class 3/8 I'm in is not a fantastically academically inclined class but hey, some of us do try. Even do we may be lazy, we're all smart. And I think NOBODY has the right or even the AUDACITY to say we're a bad class. I personally am not a fan of the girls there but if anyone's messing with the class, they're messing with me. IF we're REALLY that much of a bad class, we won't even BOTHER to come to school and we'd just run off to an arcade where our time is better off spent but HEY, we listen and respond in class. Even though we occassionally sleep, we're just like that. We have no drive. And you wanna know why we don't? I'll tell you so listen up all you damn teachers out there who think 3/8 is a bad class!
ITS BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU PATHETIC FUCKERS OUT THERE! How would you feel if every single dragging day, a teacher comes in and tells you you're a bad class, compares you with 'better' classes who are "supposedly" weaker than you, that you're academically hopeless and that you're better off not attending school because it won't make a difference? That the money our parents spend is wasted? That we don't deserve a place in this school? That we don't deserve to be taught? Hey it hurts. Even if you don't think it does, it really hurts like a blade. And every single fucking day hearing the same fucking thing will really make you fucking believe you really are fucking worthless, illiterate, way below others and god damn USELESS! Do you know how it feels to be DEMORALISED and DEGRADED to being a THING that wasn't worth your mother's labour pain and that you're born in this world for no reason, for no purpose and just to suffer under the ostracism of others? I bet you don't. I step into class on the FIRST DAY of my secondary 3 life and I get enthusiastic vibe from my class. They listen in class. They pass up homework. They respond and ask questions.
But after the first CA they changed.
Just because the class did horribly bad for the 1st round of CAs, we started to get ostracised by teachers and the enthusiastic vibe shrank and shrank until it disappeared and nobody responded, nobody listened, nobody passed up their work anymore. All of you say we don't try but how do you expect us to when you yourselves don't think that we don't deserve a chance anymore? You know, all of us are so bloody put down, we're all struggling to beat up to our expectations, of our own and our parents. Is it because we like the praise that we work so hard to get? Or is it because of self satisfaction of proving that we're not useless? Either way, we're not reaching our goals and you're not helping by looking down on us. 3/8 is NOT a bad class. We are NOT bad students and we are NOT useless. You can belittle us all you want but we'll see who's gonna rub that distinction IN.YOUR.FACE at the end of the year.
I just want to quote something which my respected maths teacher said to me today when he caught me scribbling on the OHP machine before extra maths lesson after school:
"Your maths is already a mess! And now you're making the OHP a mess too! What else do you want to mess up?"
That really struck a nerve. It hurt a lot. Am I really such a mess that I'm only capable of producing mess? That I'm only capable of making rubbish? I know I'm the weakest A maths student in my class and that I got the lowest score for the recent CA because I had a mental block - 0. I'm not proud of it. I'm really not. In fact, I feel ashamed for getting lowest in my class. I've never got lowest in my life for anything. And that made it hurt more. And all the more, I respected him, my lit,PE and History teacher the most. I never expected him to give up on me and see me and the class as the other teachers do.
Perfection. Is it really that what makes you a bad or a good person? Is academic results perfection to a Singaporean's eyes? Does academic results really make you a useful person in society? That you're capable of everything with just education? I got one word for all that- bullshit. If you were to die tomorrow, would people remember you as a good person because you are smart? No. Education would be useless then. It's only temporary in your life. Whilst others like love and faith are permanent, people shouldn't judge you on material things. People should not put others down because ultimately, you're killing them.
I've died a million times over and over by such teachers that we have. So now I'm gonna prove it to them again as I had done for mid-years. I am NOT useless. I CAN do mathematics and I'm WAY better than ALL the smart jackasses yall worship as gods and godesses just because they are PURE geniuses or super hardworking! And may GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL because we'll see who gets the last laugh. I'm gonna make yall so SO embarassed and guilty about the way you had treated me and all of 3/8 that you're gonna stoop lower than my evil pet llama!
Don't.push.me.
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