Nostalgia

I just had my first dance rehearsal for EMC and I fall in love with the routine everytime I do it. It's awesome! Just that the downside is that it's terribly hard on my knees, what with all the throwing yourself down to the floor, rolling around and frontal arches. Dammit all.

And my balance sucks. Seriously. I spent so much time trying to learn how to turn properly and nicely without falling. And even after bumbling along for so long, I still can't get it right. I just end up feeling giddy and a bit nauseous. Oh, and I just look like this super unglam bullinachinashop trying to do a proper turn that the other dancers do so orgasmically well!

Damn.

But hey, the feeling was so nostalgic. Feeling every limb screaming out in fatigue, feeling like I can't go on, the mental war to keep pushing myself to go all out, the fear of looking like the only idiot who cannot catch the timing and/or move, hair dripping with prespiration and feeling the song play you like a puppet.

I am so shit tired and I feel so damn weak now but, it's a nice feeling. It feels like home.

Because I know that at the end of the day when the whole item comes through, I'll look back and be really really proud of myself. And, if I don't dance out what I'm feeling, I'll forever be constipated.

I've given up trying to find approval from others. Because, no matter how hard you try, sometimes if people are biased against you, it really doesn't matter. They'll only see your flaws. So, all I need is my own approval.

And dancing like your life is ending is definitely going to merit it . (: